We just dropped the boy off for his first day of kindergarten. Its one of the biggest transitions that I have yet to go through as a mom. I am so excited and nervous. So was he. We walked him to school and he was practically skipping with excitement.

Getting him to his seat in the classroom was chaos, but he figured it out. So happy to be there and with other kids, that before we left he asked “ Can I play now?!” We replied “ Be patient and wait in your seat till your teacher says.” its such a new experience for him, he even asked yesterday “ What do I get to plant at the Kinder-garden?!” He doesn’t know what to expect, and every thing new is exciting to him.

I personally cannot get over it. I love him to death, but to finally have a break seems like a much needed mommy vacation. I have been looking forward to this day since he was in his terrible 2’s.

I did not get good sleep last night at all, looking forward to these ‘alone’ hours has been eating away at me, its darn exciting to have some time to yourself. Some much needed time with my love and my dog, just like it used to be before the boy. I was so nervous for him that I set an alarm so early, that we were all sitting around waiting for it to be time to leave. Maybe I should set it a bit later tomorrow. I just wanted to be sure to not have any problems getting him ready for his first day.

I got up and got him dressed in a cute outfit of his choice. I got his hair brushed and braided and got his shoes tied and the laces tucked in. He ate some oatmeal and I packed him a snack, wasn’t sure if I needed to pack a lunch or not. Made some coffee and we waited to leave. Finally at 5 after 8am, we left. I have never been more excited to leave my kid anywhere, in fact, I have not been able to leave him anywhere since daycare in Santa Rosa, before he was 2. Its been a long while waiting for this day.

As a mom, you pray that you did well for 5 years up to this moment. You pray that you have given your kids all that they need before they go to school. You pray that you taught them good manners and how to be a good kid. You pray for yourself, hoping to never have to go through any school nightmares. You pray that you never get a call home, telling you the bad things your child has done at school. You pray to escape the constant anxiety of waiting for that dreaded call home. You pray that you will have one of those golden kids, that want to learn every moment in the classroom. I pray that he even acts right on the playground too.

Not that I have raised a bad child, in fact, its quite the opposite, I have raised a good little boy. But I still worry. Its every mothers right to worry, what is going to happen today when I send my child to school. I feel like I have just graduated as a mother and now understand that constant anxiety every mother has, when their child is away from them. Now that my life as a mother as started, I am happy to have the time alone, but its even harder to have my child away from me then I thought.

Even though I want to enjoy my time, he’s always on my mind. I can never escape the feeling of being connected to my child, and I never want to. Now that I have made a little human to be responsible for, I feel responsible for him, even when he is not with me. I know that everything he has learned before today, has been mostly from me, and I am responsible for all that.

Now that I have given him up to the school system, I am praying that I did a good enough job, and that he is doing good. Happy first day of Kindergarten Elijah!


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